A Woman’s Need for Connection, and her Reluctance to Accept it.

Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

I appreciate my husband’s willingness to bring his perspective and response to this series on the God-given roles in marriage. If you have not read the series, I suggest you go back and read them for better context:

• Yielding the Lead. – Jill’s perspective on a wife’s God-given role in marriage
• How Strong is the Need for Respect in Men? – Terry’s response
• The Power of Love. – Terry’s perspective on a husband’s God-given role in marriage
• A Woman’s Need for Connection, and Her Reluctance to Accept it. – Jill’s response

Those who know Terry and witness how he treats me sometimes mistakenly say, “Of course you submit/yield to him, he treats you like a queen.” If God called us to our roles only when the other person is deserving, we would live in the cycle, “If you loved me, I would respect you.” Or “If you respected me, you would be easier to love.”

In the blog, Yielding the Lead, I listed the ways God instructed all believers to live together in unity.

Ephesians 5:18 says, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.” He then listed how to live being Spirit-filled in v. 19:

• Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.
• Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord.
• Always give thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
• Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

If living in unity within the Body of Christ requires being filled with the Holy Spirit, why would we think fulfilling our roles in marriage would be different?

I also noted in that blog that God knows the tactics the enemy uses to undermine his children. A man’s vulnerability lies in his confidence. A woman’s vulnerability is knowing her value and worth. The enemy whispers to her, “You are not enough and if you only looked and acted a certain way, he will love you.”

Knowing this, God asks the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Sacrificially.

To sacrifice means to serve.

Jesus was a servant. He showed his love by washing the disciple’s feet. Then his ultimate act of service and sacrifice was dying for us all.

Husbands, love your wives by sacrificing. Show your wife her value by your service.

Wives have a responsibility here as well. Not only did God ask us to yield to our husbands and respect him, but we are also called to receive our husband’s love.

This may sound easy, but many of us come into marriage with an unhealthy view and attitude of ourselves. We can bring shame and guilt from our past mistakes and let that define us. Sometimes we wear labels that either someone placed on us, or the enemy himself whispered to us.

Ask yourself whether you are truly submitting your heart to your husband. Have you fully submitted your heart to God? Do you see your value as God your Creator does or have you set your own value as “flawed” “undeserving of love” or “worthless”? One of you is wrong!

God is never wrong!

If you are struggling here, cry out to God. Yield your identity to him. Learn to walk in the confidence he gives you. Then ask him to help you open your heart to receive the love of your husband.

©2023 Jill Jamieson – All Rights Reserved.

Read more of our love story in my book: Secrets of the Little Green-Eyed Girl: Digging up the Roots of Shame and Guilt.